Fate's Fingers
by ordinarywords
Summary: "gone away/it's the same old, same old song/gone away/it's my whole life in words"
1. chance meeting

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of this**

**Author's Notes: This story is a Lit pairing, and personally, I don't know how long it will be, or how well it will turn out, but feedback is always great. **

**_PLEASE NOTE: I occasionally throw lyrics from songs in the story, time and time again, because I like the way it can sometimes tie everything in. To cut down on confusion, lyrics will always be in bold and italic. Flashbacks and direct thoughts are usually in just italics, along with titles and other random words that are emphasized. Just thought I'd tell you about the lyrics so you don't read and go, what the hell is this?_**

**_Fate's Fingers_**

_by ordinarywords_

_Chapter 1___

Rory Gilmore hurried along bustling streets, chatter surrounding her ears. Her chestnut hair was flying in the wind behind her, her tailored jacket flapping harshly in the breeze. The icy wind whipped past her, harshly stinging her cheeks and tinting them a frostbitten pink. Struggling to keep warm, she rubbed her hands together forcefully. The movement did nothing to eradicate the chill, for her hands were too cold and her fingers were already numbing. Noticing a small coffee shop across the street, she suddenly moved with more purpose. 

Crossing the street as soon as traffic permitted, she neared the shop and smiled contentedly as she entered, coffee beans and cocoa flooding her senses. She stood for a moment, taking in the atmosphere, a sense of contentment fighting its way into her stomach as her eyes flicked over the shop. The floors were shining, polished mahogany, and they were purposely littered with glass, high-topped, round tables. Richly upholstered chairs clustered around the tables, and the glass counters were lined with gleaming jars of beans and filled with various scones, muffins, and pastries. The shop was dimly lit and inviting, with couches in each corner. 

Filled with wide-eyed wonder, she absently stumbled over to the counter, her head turned in every direction to take in the appearance of a shop she was sure she would be spending time in. It had in inviting charm that was difficult to come by in the hustle of city life. Perhaps Rory was so caught up in her mental inventory that she didn't notice the counter boy. She simply ordered her cappuccino and grasped the mug with both hands, holding heat in her fingers and heading over to a table by the window. 

The counter boy, however, recognized Rory. His dark eyes fell upon her and many of his co-workers noticed, but did not comment on, the way he observed her with something unusually pleasant that no one had ever seen him possess. His eyes followed her until she finished her cappuccino and left, taking her bundle of papers and her untouched naiveté with her.  

*

  *

Rory was rushed with school for the next few days. NYU ended up being her school of choice, and she had been there for several years now, majoring in journalism. It left her busy, but satisfied with the promise of dream fulfillment. She was, however, paying the price by sacrificing personal time. So when the night twinkled bright with contentment and soft snow fell in the city, only lightly dusting the streets, and she finished her paperwork early, she used the time wisely-she headed out for a coffee.

A familiar scent greeted her at the door as she peeled off her coat. Heading for a table in the serving section, she looked around, taking the familiarity of the shop, and breathing in deeply every few steps. Seating herself at a table, she reached into her bag and opened a magazine, reading a page she had marked a few days earlier until the server came over.  She had been reading the same column for a month now, ever since the new author had made himself a space on the last page.  Rory was furrowed with concentration, and didn't look up until someone beside her table cleared their throat loudly.

It was the counter boy, and this time, Rory recognized him. For a moment, she just sat there, her mouth rounded and her blue eyes questioning if it really was him standing there. A familiar pair of hauntingly dark eyes stared back at her, full of surprise, pain, and amusement all at once. It had been years for both of them. 

"Jess?" Rory's voice penetrated the quietus they had created, her whisper hushed, her eyes crazy burning. 

"Well, if it isn't...the one and only Rory Gilmore," he remarked, a lazy smile creeping it's way from his lips to his eyes, his voice quiet as hers had been. "How've you been?" His voice dripped with warmth and sincerity. "It's been a while."

Rory just stared. It _had been a while. It had been several years since the last goodbye. After his girlfriend, their relationship never had been the same, especially because she hadn't brought herself to let Dean go. And by the time she had, it was too late. She had learned the hard way that sometimes the moment really does pass you by. And this felt like her undeserved second chance. _

"Yeah, it has." Her voice also held the same intimate quality, one that can only be found between old friends. "I've been good. You?" she questioned him shakily.

Jess ignored her small inquiry. He didn't want to answer because he didn't want to say he's been lonely as hell. That would only provoke a feeling of resentment, both because he hadn't had her in the past, and because she's been haunting his dreams once every few weeks since the last time he'd walked on the same shaky ground next to her.  "What happened to Harvard?" he asked, not pressing, but inquiring because he cared all the same.

"I ended up at NYU. I'm majoring in journalism. I'm on scholarship, so it's easier for mom. Besides, I've always wanted to live in the city."

"You don't seem like the urban type. Then again, after Stars Hollow, few people are." he remarked, smiling slightly.

"I needed to get out."

Her words held untold stories about the past that Jess understood, for some reason unknown, without asking. He nodded with understanding.

"The whole 'Leave it to Beaver' thing gets old after a while."

"I think it got old for you after the first five minutes."

"It was old from the minute I got there." He smirked, remembering the moment he'd first stepped onto Stars Hollow ground. He used to think it was hell. Now, he would give anything to go back, and return to the small world where everything was easy, and Rory was at arm's length.   

"So," he continued, "Read any good Hemingway lately?"

"Never."

"I figured as much."

"You figured, huh?"

"You're too predictable, Gilmore. And to demonstrate that, I know, for example, that you're in dire need of a coffee right now."

"I'm not predictable, you know me too well."

"And that may not be too much better. Vanilla cappuccino?"

"Stalk much?" Rory teased.

"Only in my spare time." 

Jess's dark eyes glittered as he glanced at her one last time before going to get two cappuccinos-one for her, and one for himself. It was nearly closing time, and there weren't usually many customers to begin with, so at this time of night, the shop was nearly empty. Except for her.

*

  *

"I should have known better than to expect Mr. Badass to quit."

"What can I say? It's one of my worse addictions."

"Among the other addictions to books and music? I'd say that smoking is definitely the worst."

"Rory, I'm disappointed in you. You've forgotten about our friend Hemingway."

She rolled her eyes in response. "You've got a point there. Hemingway could definitely fight smoking for that bottom spot. When did you start smoking, anyway?"

Jess shrugged and finished off his cigarette. They both watched the smoke curl like his smile into the stillness of the air in the coffee shop, and then he stole another glance into her blue eyes before looking down into his empty coffee mug. 

Rory watched him, trying not to smile. It'd been years, but, it hadn't really. It felt the same to her. He was still the same. Except wiser, maybe. Or perhaps it was something else, an invisible something that had changed his persona in the slightest way that she would never be able to put her finger on. But nonetheless, the effect he had on her was still the same. Being with him made her want to fight in all fiery-heated, blood boiling, smart-ass ways. He made her want to break the mold, be something out of the ordinary. Be spontaneous, give in to something she was craving rather than feeding the desires of ordinary life. 

He picked up their empty cups, set them on the counter, and came back slowly towards the table. He felt disconnected, uncharacteristically happy. He didn't want her to go, but the moonlight urged him to tell her goodnight. 

"It's late. Past your bedtime."

She checked her watch, pleading it not to tell her what she already knew. "But not yours?"

"Some of us walk on the wild side occasionally and go to bed after 11."

"Hey, I'll have you know I went to bed at 12:30 last night. _Memento was on." _

"Well, well, well. Rory Gilmore in touch with her bad girl side. Maybe one day I'll be able to corrupt you into staying up past 1."

"Crazier things have been known to happen." She paused for a second, not wanting to let this time go, even though she knew she could probably see him whenever her school schedule and his work schedule permitted. 

"Thanks for the coffee."

"It's what I get paid for," he replied. But he knew that's not really what she was trying to say.

"So, I'll see you..." 

"Yup. See you." He smiled a rare smile, his lip curled upward, his eyes flaming bright with something she rarely ever saw there. And she left the shop, glancing back one last time before she closed the door for good and hailed a cab. Jess watched her to be sure she caught a cab without trouble, and then he locked the door and began to pick up muffin papers and empty coffee creamers, mop up spilled cream and sugar, and line up the jars until everything was spotless. He grabbed his pen and paper from underneath the counter, and sat at an empty table for a few minutes. And then he began to write.

The smile never left his face.

*

  *

**_Line on your face don't bother me   
Down in my chair when you dance over me   
I can't help myself   
I've got to see you again   
  
Late in the night when I'm all alone   
And I look at the clock and I know you're not home   
I can't help myself   
  
I've got to see you again   
I could almost go there   
Just to watch you be seen   
I could almost go there   
Just to live in a dream   
  
But no I won't go for any of those reasons   
To not touch your skin is not why I sing   
I can't help myself   
I've got to see you again   
  
I could almost go there....   
  
No I won't go to share you with them   
But oh even though I know where you've been   
I can't help myself   
I've got to see you again_**

*

  *

Drop me a line :)


	2. at night

**Disclaimer: You know I don't own it...my mediocre writing should be a telltale sign. By the way, the song from the last chapter was by Norah Jones, and this one is If I Had It All by DMB**

**Author's Notes: And here, you have the second chapter. I'm not exactly sure where this story is going to go, but...I'll keep writing until you all beg me to stop. Would I stop writing then? Maybe not. Point being, I'm in for just as much of a strange ride as you are, so just sit back and enjoy for what it is. If there's anything to enjoy.**

**_Fate's Fingers___**

_by ordinarywords_

_Chapter 2_

The coffee shop became a quiet respite for Rory over the next few days. With midterm examinations looming over her head, she seemed to do nothing in her spare time but pour over various textbooks. And Jess seemed to enjoy nothing more than to observe her in quiet contentment. It was all the way it had been, simply in a different setting.

*

  *

The night was quiet, dark, and December-icy cold. The whisper of the wind shook the glass on the door every so often, the rattling ringing clear through the nearly silent shop. Empty coffee cups sat on abandoned tables, begging to be cleaned, but Jess ignored it all and watched her hair spill over her back and her eyelashes blink and flutter tiredly like defeated angel wings as she studied.

"I think reading something 3 times qualifies for knowing the material overly well."

"You can never be too prepared."

"Or too insanely conscientious."

"Well, what happens if I fail? I mean, then I won't pass because they count for such a big fraction of my grade, and I'll have to repeat the year, and I'll never graduate-"

Jess resisted the urge to laugh at her rambling. She would never fail. A strange emotion came over him in the heavy glow of the shop. He fought the sudden urge to reach out to her, just to feel her warm skin against his, her eyes burning into him with an unnamed intensity, her skin quiet, heated and velvety under his work-withered fingers. Then he quickly shook that thought away as he cut her off to tease. That feeling was eerily familiar, and he hadn't intended to let it resurface so quickly.

"Or maybe that should've just been too insane."

"Sorry. It's the caffeine overdose," she admitted, her eyes dancing like tiny flames in the semi-darkness, a sheepish smile on her rosy mouth. Her eyes flicked over his well-defined jaw line, and his twisted lips. 

"Never thought I'd live to hear a Gilmore admitting to a caffeine overdose. There's the shock of the day."

"I guess I have enough rationale left to say that 6 cappuccinos in a row is overdoing it a little....maybe."

"But do you have enough rationale to know when it's time to put a textbook down for five minutes?"

"I can only put my textbook down when I know I'm doing something else that's useful," she replied, and she let loose hidden undertones with that statement that were unintended and unnoticed by her. Jess picked them up and began to wish he were 17 again, all the while trying to press thoughts of possible useful things she could do with her mouth on his out of his mind. 

She stared back, unblinking and wide-eyed for a moment, and then closed her textbook. She pulled an article out of her bag instead, trying her best to ignore a faint, familiar tremor in her legs, behind her knees. Jess immediately recognized the magazine, and his eyes crinkled the slightest bit at the corners.

"You've been following his articles too, huh? I should've known. Exhibiting predictability again, I see."

"Yep, and it was a comfort in consistency type of thing. His opinions were refreshing, but they all had that same pessimistic undertone. Until this week, that is, when he did a complete 180 and started talking about serendipity and all this other optimistic crap."

"Now that's where you're being unpredictable. I had you pegged as the sappy, hopeless-romantic-soul mates-and-all-that-shit type."

"Who says that I'm not?" she bantered back, feisty and burning, crazy happy and fighting back all at once.

"I'm just saying," she continued "That the author either has some type of muse all of a sudden or he's a complete schizophrenic."

"Maybe he just changed his mind."

"For no apparent reason at all? That's doubtful."

"Maybe something happened that caused him to change his philosophy."

"And how would you know? Why are you suddenly so familiar with this particular columnist?"

"Hey, just a wild guess," he replied, with an indecipherable smirk, and he finally decided to let her finish studying in peace. He had to get some work done. For a while, they just stayed that way, quiet and satisfied. Whole.

*

  *

After one last warm mug had been downed, and Rory had spent her last free minutes glancing over her books again, she finally decided it was time to go. Gathering her things slowly and methodically, she silently willed him to come out from the back. Within seconds, he emerged, his arms full of replenished sugar canisters. As he set them on the tables, Rory bid him goodnight, but turned and asked one more question.

"Hey, how come this place isn't decorated for the holidays?"

"Not everyone is as Christmas-crazy as your average former Stars-Hollow resident."

"Couldn't you at least put up some lights or something?"

"Commercialism at it's best, that's all it is."

"Grinch," she accused softly, a smile floating somewhere in the dim air between them. With a final wave, she left and headed out into the night, leaving Jess with only his pen and paper for company. 

*

  *

Much later, Rory found herself up thinking about him again. This was just like old times. Only Dean wasn't here. Shane was a distant memory. There was nothing standing in her way. The she vaguely acknowledged the fact that he could have a girlfriend. She watched the city slowly surrender to the night and early morning as she wondered why she was even bothering to think this way. They had just met up again, and she couldn't be thinking like this after only a few days. But memories resurfaced, and the more she thought about their past, the more she began to long for him the way she couldn't have him before.

*

  *

_RORY: You know you're smarter than most everybody at your school. It takes you like five minutes to finish a book. You read everything, you remember everything, you could ace those classes easily. Why don't you? You don't need a tutor. It's crazy that they're talking about leaving you back. _

_JESS: Whatever. _

_RORY: You can do anything you wanted, you can be anything you wanted. _

_JESS: Rory. _

_RORY: I. . .is it like a cool thing? _

_JESS: I could care less about being cool. _

_RORY: Well, inform me, please. _

_JESS: I'm never going to college, why waste the time in high school? _

_RORY: And why aren't you going to college? _

_JESS: Please. _

_RORY: What? Please what – why is it so crazy? _

_JESS: Ask my mother, she could give you a couple reasons. Oh, and I'm sure Principal Mertin can chime in with a few good ones. In fact, ask your mother. She doesn't know me all that well but I'm sure she could improvise a few things. _

_RORY: Do not give me that whole 'I'm so misunderstood, Kurt Cobainy' thing. You are way stronger than that and I don't even wanna hear it. You have to go to college. _

_JESS: No, you have to go to college. _

_RORY: But don't you have any plans? _

_JESS: Yes, I plan to get out of Stars Hollow. _

_RORY: And go where? _

_JESS: Wherever. _

_RORY: And do what? _

_JESS: Whatever. _

_RORY: Wherever, whatever. _

_JESS: I'll live where I live, I'll work when I need money, and I'll see where I end up. _

_RORY: You could do more. _

_JESS: Oh, here come the pompoms. _

_RORY: No, no pompoms, just me saying you could do more. _

_JESS: So, Courtney, what about you? _

_RORY: What about me? _

_JESS: What are your big ambitions? _

_RORY: Harvard. _

_JESS: And after Harvard? _

_RORY: I'm gonna be a journalist. _

_JESS: Paula Zahn? _

_RORY: Christiane Amapour _

_JESS: You're gonna be an overseas correspondent? _

_RORY: Yes, I am. _

_JESS: You're gonna crawl around in trenches and stand on top of buildings and have bombs going off in the background and some wars raging all around you? _

_RORY: What, you don't think I can do it? _

_JESS: No, I do. Just sounds a little too – . _

_RORY: A little what? _

_JESS: Just sounds a little too rough for you. _

_RORY: Well, it's not a little too rough for me. I hope it's not a little too rough for me, I've been talking about this forever. I mean, I don't even know what I would do if – . _

_JESS: Hey, I didn't mean to freak you out. I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll do it. You will, I promise. I'll help you practice, okay? Tomorrow, you'll stand in the middle of the street and I will drive straight at you screaming in a foreign language. _

_RORY: Well, you're gonna have to learn a foreign language first. _

_JESS: Well, it's lucky I've got me a tutor, isn't it? _

_*_

_  *_

_RORY: What are you doing here? _

_JESS: Hello to you, too. _

_RORY: Is everything okay? _

_JESS: You look nice. _

_RORY: Thank you. What are you doing here? _

_JESS: I moved back. _

_RORY: What? _

_JESS: I moved back. _

_RORY: But – what – why? _

_JESS: Just wanted to. _

_[Rory kisses him, catching them both off guard.]_

_RORY: Oh my God! Oh my God! _

_JESS: Rory. _

_RORY: Don't say a word! _

_JESS: Okay. _

_RORY: I have to go. [runs away] Oh, welcome home! _

_*_

_  *_

_JESS: Her name's Shane. _

_RORY: As in 'come back'? _

_JESS: Yup. _

_RORY: Well, great. That's great. Really, it's great. _

_JESS: So I've heard. _

_RORY: Well, it is. _

_JESS: Are you upset about something? _

_RORY: No. _

_JESS: I mean, me and Shane – _

_RORY: What about you and Shane? _

_JESS: I don't know, it didn't exactly bring a smile to your face. _

_RORY: Well, I'm still freaked out about the, uh, snowcone machine. _

_JESS: Okay. _

_RORY: I could care less about you and Shane. _

_JESS: Good. _

_RORY: It just surprised me, that's all. _

_JESS: Why? _

_RORY: Because. _

_JESS: Because why? _

_RORY: Because of what happened at Sookie's wedding. _

_JESS: Ah. _

_RORY: Yeah, so me coming back here and just seeing you with Shane just kind of threw me for a sec. _

_JESS: I'm sorry, did I hear from you at all this summer? Did I just happen to miss the thousands of phone calls you made to me, or did the postman happen to lose all those letters you wrote to me? You kiss me, you tell me not to say anything. . .very flattering, by the way. You go off to __Washington__.__ . . then nothing. Then you come back here all put out because I didn't just sit around and wait for you like Dean would've done? And yeah, what about Dean? Are you still with him? 'Cause last time I checked, you were, and I haven't heard anything to the contrary. Plus, the two of you walking around the other day like some damn Andy Hardy movie. Seemed to me like you're still pretty together. I half expected you to break into a barn and put on a show. _

_RORY: When did you see me with Dean? _

_JESS: At that stupid summer insanity plea the town put on. _

_RORY: Oh, I'm surprised you could see anything with Shane's head plastered to your face. _

_JESS: You didn't answer me. _

_RORY: About what? _

_JESS: Did you call me at all? _

_RORY: No. _

_JESS: Did you send me a letter? _

_RORY: No. _

_JESS: Postcard? _

_RORY: No. _

_JESS: Smoke signal? _

_RORY: Stop. _

_JESS: A nice fruit basket? _

_RORY: Enough! _

_JESS: Are you still with Dean? Come on, Rory, yes or no – are you still with Dean? _

_RORY: Yes, I'm still with Dean, yes! _

_JESS: Glad to hear it. _

_RORY: Glad to tell you. _

_JESS: See you around. _

_RORY: Whatever. _

_JESS: Right back at ya. _

*

  *

Reminiscing further, Rory sank back into the couch, shutting her eyes and remembering more moments that stood out in her memory, moments that marked the past with what should have been. Before giving herself over to bleary, colored, morning dreams, she wondered if Jess ever though about it. If she only knew.

*

  *

**_Sometimes I can't move my feet it seems   
As if I'm stuck in the ground somehow like a tree   
As if I can't even breathe   
Oh, and my screams come whispering out   
  
As if nobody can even see me   
Like a ghost, sometimes I can't see myself   
Sometimes, then again, oh   
  
If I were a king   
If I had everything   
If I had you and I could give you your dreams   
If I were giant-sized, on top of it all   
Then tell me what in the world would I sing for   
If I had it all   
  
Sometimes I feel lost   
As I pull you out like strings of memories   
Wish I could weave them into you   
Then I could figure the whole damn puzzle out   
Then again, oh   
  
And if I were a king   
If I had everything   
If I had you and I could give you your dreams   
If I were giant-sized, on top of it all   
Then tell me what in the world would I go on for   
If I had it all   
  
I could take anything   
If I had no greed to bring   
Only the poison that's tainting the clean   
Oh, then nothing   
  
Remembering times much younger than me now   
When my breath was light   
When the world raised me up kind   
  
And here mother comforts child   
Every moment was waking up   
But now I've grown tired... out   
  
If I had it all, you know   
I'd fuck it up   
  
If I were a king   
If I had everything   
If I had you and I could give you your dreams   
If I were giant-sized, on top of it all   
Then tell me what in the world would I sing for...   
  
If I were a king   
If I had everything, piece by piece   
If I had you if I could give you your dreams   
If I were giant-sized, on top of it all   
Then tell me what in the world would I go on for   
If I had it all   
If I had it all   
  
If I had it all_**

*

  *

****

**_Drop me a line...I know it isn't much of a plot yet, but it'll get better, don't worry._**


	3. disappears

**Disclaimer:** None of this is mine. The song below is "Gone Away" by Cold

**Author's Notes: **I really appreciate the support I got for the first two chapters. I'm hoping to catch up with this story and continue it now that things have settled down for me a little. The next chapter is right here. By the way, I'm looking for a beta reader, not necessarily for this story, but for future pieces, so if you're interested, please say so in your review. 

****

**_Fate's Fingers_**

by ordinary words 

_Chapter 3_

"Yes, mom, I know it's almost Christmas. It's just, I've got a few more days of midterms to get through before I can come home." Rory Gilmore smiled into her cell phone as she responded to her mother's childish whining. "Besides, you've got Luke to keep you company."

"Pssh. Luke-Schmuke. He can't down an entire bag of marshmallows in one sitting like you can."

"Well, I'm glad to know our relationship is based purely on food."

"Besides, you know I can't decorate the tree without you! And it's already December 1st!"

"See, you're doing fine without me. You're actually keeping track of the dates now. Better than the last time I called," remarked Rory, referring to her mother's post-coffee stupor. 

"Was that a stab at insulting my intelligence? Because it was so....right," Lorelai admitted. "So," she continued more seriously, "What's new with you?"

"Aside from midterms you mean? Nothing really." A sketchy outline of a familiar smile and a pair of hauntingly dark eyes reappeared in the back of her mind, challenging her to mention him. With a small smile on her mouth, she decided it'd been years, so it shouldn't matter to Lorelai. "I saw Jess."

"Otherwise known as Satan's left hand man? Where?" 

"Isn't it right?"

"Huh?"

"Right hand."

"Right hand what?" Lorelai asked, confused.

Rory grinned and shook her head. "Never mind. I saw him at a coffee shop downtown. He's just like always. Only not so Satanic."

"He puts the horns back on at night. He always was the devious type and-"

"Mom."

"Sorry. So, have you guys had your Danielle Steele-I-haven't-seen-you-in-forever-let's-make-out-in-a-darkened-coffee-shop-and-have-casual-sex episode yet?"

"Mom!"

"Well? It's only inevitable, right? So, Rory, was it good?" she mocked, deepening her voice into the gruff caricature of a reporter.

"Changing the subject now. Actually though, I have to go. It's getting dark out, and I still have my coffee run to make before I go back to my apartment."

"Don't you mean your Jess run?"

"Bye mom. Tell Luke I said 'Hi'. I'll call you before I come down."

"Try not to do it on the tabletops, ok? People have to eat there, you know."

"Mom, I told you to stop using sock puppets to talk to. It's jeopardizing your sanity."

"Bye, hon. Love you," she crooned sweetly.

"Whether I feel mutually is questionable."

"C'mon, I'm too insane not to love."

"I guess you're right. The insanity grows on me."

"Bye, Ror."

Her mother's words echoed in the back of her head. _"So, have you guys had your Danielle Steele-I-haven't-seen-you-in-forever-let's-make-out-in-a-darkened-coffee-shop-and-have-casual-sex episode yet?" Smiling, she couldn't help but let herself revel in that idea for a few moments before she broke her own reverie._

*

*

With a click, Rory snapped her cell phone shut and slipped it into her coat pocket. She spilled out onto the street, the city humming with an odd quiet that was in between the daily hustle and the nighttime buzz. The sky was alive with twilight-purple radiance that combined with the yellow glow spilling through urban apartment windows. It made Rory feel cozy and oddly at home. 

As she neared the coffee shop, however, that feeling fled as quickly as it had come when she saw the shop darkened eerily when it should have been glowing invitingly. A black-and-white sign slammed her in the face. CLOSED. It was never closed. And this early? Dejectedly, Rory turned around and walked back, feeling disappointed and disconnected, off from her usual routine. The night grew colder and darker, paralleling her mood. She couldn't figure exactly why she was so disoriented all of a sudden, but she knew if only she had been able to talk to him for a few minutes, then she would've felt less stressed about everything. Then she begged herself to stop thinking about him, because it felt just like it had a few years back, and she would _not fall for him again. No. She couldn't. Not after how it had all been last time. _

*

  *

_Jess: What happened?_

_Rory: (sniffling) He dumped me._

_Jess: I'm sorry. _

_Rory: Thanks._

_Jess: Look, I've gotta go meet Shane._

_Rory: What? [confused]_

_Jess: Well, what did you expect from me Rory? _

_Rory: I don't-I don't know. I just thought that, now that Dean is gone, we could...I don't know. Talk about stuff._

_Jess: We could what? Forget about all this bullshit you put me through and go back to everything being hunky-dory? I'm not him. I don't know why you keep expecting me to be. I can get over you Rory. I don't have to sit around and wait. I'm sick of trying to interpret you. You want something? You tell me._

_(he leaves, slamming the door behind him)_

*

  *

Rory remembered bitterly, the pain that dulled the spark in his eyes, like ashes lowering the fire. The echo of the door slamming in her head brought back the wave of pain and realization she had felt while sitting there, alone and empty in the warmth of the dinner. Only, it hadn't felt warm to her. She had known it was all lost, and for the rest of the night, she had sat there, swirling the contents of her mug around quickly, watching the brown liquid seep over the edge and drip down, burning, onto her pale skin. She had been too numb to feel the heat.

*

  *

She felt ridiculous for dwelling on the past so much. She had only seen him twice. And what did the coffee shop being closed for one night have to do with anything between them now? Blearily, she stumbled into her apartment, her eyes clouded with nighttime and sadness. Feeling nostalgic, she washed her face, trying to tell herself that she didn't want him now, that she wasn't addicted again. But she was. And the coffee shop seemed to be an omen for something that was looming, something that would cut their ties again, and leave her, stuck in the ordinary world with no love and no escape. 

Hoping blindly in her room before sleep came, she rolled over and shut her eyes tightly, trying to shut out images of him. But for  once in her life, Rory failed.

* 

  *

Mornings and evenings passed Rory Gilmore by, and she continued to check on coffee shop progress. The progress continued to disappoint her, and the shop was dark even in the hot-white glow of the afternoon, in the bustle and chatter of the busy streets on a Saturday morning. The more days that passed, the more she began to long for the plush chairs, the coffee steaming like smoke from chimneys in the winter, and the dark eyed, sharp-witted company that came with service.

Finally, after a week, she gave up her search, and retreated to the local Starbucks. But the enigma of him followed her everywhere she went, and showed its face in every dark-eyed counter boy. And occasionally, when the night overtook her and the moonlight lit her face, a few crystal tears would leak out of her eyes and drop slowly off her chin, evaporating as the sun broke over the skyline.

*

_  *_

_Do you pray...   
In the night...   
Can you appreciate the wind?   
  
I won't care...   
I won't fight...   
I need you close to see it's the same beginning.   
  
Gone Away...   
It's the same old, same old song.   
Gone Away...   
It's my whole life in words.   
  
I can't breathe...   
When you cry...   
I'll be there to hold you tight.   
  
I would kill...   
I would fight...   
To keep you close I'll keep singing the same way.   
  
I won't live...   
If you died...   
If I can't feel you in the wind.   
  
This is me...   
It's my life...   
I need you close to see it's the same beginning.   
  
Gone Away...   
It's the same old, same old song.   
Gone Away...   
It's my whole life in words.   
  
Gone Away...   
It's the same old, same old song.   
Gone Away...   
It's my...whole life...   
  
I can't think...   
I don't know...   
I'll fall...   
I'll call...   
  
Gone Away...   
It's the same old, same old song.   
Gone Away...   
It's my...Whole life. _


End file.
